Where did you go, God?

Psalm 89 is not the easiest psalm to read. It’s long, it’s got some history to it, and it feels too old. But there is a verse, a section actually, that speaks to me about God’s disappearance. ‘How long will you hide yourself…will you hide yourself forever?…Remember how short life is, how frail you have made all flesh.’

There are many, many days God seems quite hidden. Not just far away, but gone…GONE. And I sit in my preferred prayer place and wonder what I’m doing there. God left. I’m here, but where is that holiness I have found before? Where is the depth of love that is present often when I read the psalms or some other Scripture??? And where, oh where is God?

I don’t have forever to look for God, I don’t have days on end to wait for that sense of presence. But one thing I do have is to keep praying. There are so many times prayer and the psalms don’t reach the heart, only stay on the lips or in the mind. But I keep on. And that seems to be the secret. Don’t just hope, stay with it. Even when God seems so very much gone, even when prayers don’t go anywhere but into space, even when the music of the psalms is empty. Sometimes it’s just the wait that brings the hope and the sense of being alive, of the psalms being for today, not yesterday, and certainly not centuries ago. Tough to do, but it’s what has gotten me through some of my hardest, most difficult moments.

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